Donna's story

Hi, my name is Donna, and I live in Birmingham.

I believed I understood who I was for a long time before that date in 2023, when I received medical evidence of brain trauma from my infancy, which explains my struggle to describe myself. At the same time, this clarified who I was, why I am ‘ME’. I refuse to make any more excuses for being who I am and how my brain trauma has shaped me. I know I am a fighter, but even a fighter grows weary and needs rest, requiring time to recuperate before rising to battle once more.

Damage to the cerebellum has affected my balance control, making it impossible for me to ride a bike despite years of trying and enduring numerous falls. These falls, caused by my brain trauma injury, have ranged from minor to severe, resulting in fractures and hospitalisation. This injury has also led to delayed development and lost years of thinking and learning, as well as speech difficulties. My mental health has suffered because I’ve had to depend on others for help, and some have taken advantage of my inability to voice my experiences and advocate for myself.

I want to share my story because I come from a culture and family where discussing our feelings and home life was taboo. Despite this, I’ve faced challenges due to a brain injury that wasn’t my fault. My parents were my pillar of strength, supporting me through years of isolation, misunderstanding, and difficulty connecting with people.

Sometimes, I preferred the solitude of my dark room as a way to cope with the daily demands of life. My family was my sanctuary, yet outside of it, people would often exclaim, “Why can’t you do it?” Now, with the answers I’ve tirelessly sought, I realise the problem wasn’t me. It’s okay to be different. I wish I could reassure my two-year-old self and tell her that although she may not understand now, she will in the future. This understanding will empower her to assist others who need to hear her story, helping them accept their identity and embrace their uniqueness, contrary to societal expectations.

This journey has been a challenging and solitary emotional path, where I’ve repressed much of the pain, shame, misunderstanding, and abuse in my subconscious. I had the privilege of serving as a Lifestyle Support Worker at Headway West Midlands for individuals with brain injuries, unaware of the full extent of my own brain trauma sustained at two years old. Upon recent confirmation of my brain trauma diagnosis, I felt resentment, but the Brain and Spine Foundation has supported me. They’ve helped me see that I’m still alive and still defying the odds. I wasn’t expected to survive or have a voice, yet I do, and I plan to use it.

In the photo above, I was relearning how to walk. My left side is aligned, but my right foot points out at an angle, and my right arm is positioned unusually. Despite this, I have a smile on my face because, as the professionals described it, I was often “in my own little world,” smiling and laughing to myself. At that time, I had no speech and no means of communication. It has been a long journey to reach where I am today, and I have subconsciously blocked out many of my experiences due to their traumatic nature.

I would like to share this: What does society expect me to be?

Society may suggest:

• Conformity: Society whispers, ‘Fit the mold.’ It nudges us towards norms—how we dress, speak, and act. We imitate the dominant group, aiming to blend in seamlessly. Familiarity becomes our social adhesive, bonding us with those who reflect our choices.
• Validation: We seek validation through conformity. If we’re doing what everyone else is doing, we believe it’s correct. Thus, we tailor different versions of ourselves—the work version, the home version, the online version. But are we seeking acceptance for who we truly are, or just for the facades we display?

Please read these statements again and, with a bold black pen, make your mark to affirm that ”It is ok to be me and to have my own voice”.