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Melissa's story: Why having a spinal cord injury doesn't mean I have "given up"
I look healthy and well despite a spinal cord injury - maybe because I only go out on good days. Just as we only like to show our "perfect pictures" of ourselves on our Facebook pages, so we only prefer to show our "perfect-as-can-be" image"" going out.
Despite having a painful spinal cord injury - with no operation available or medications to help me - I remain happy, positive and healthy looking. And some friends just don't understand how I can be this way, despite no longer being able to work, go horse-riding, drive, etc. They feel that because now all I can do is lay down at home, just going out now and again, that I must be miserable and have "given up".
Despite having a painful spinal cord injury - with no operation available or medications to help me - I remain happy, positive and healthy looking. And some friends just don't understand how I can be this way, despite no longer being able to work, go horse-riding, drive, etc. They feel that because now all I can do is lay down at home, just going out now and again, that I must be miserable and have "given up".
As time goes by everyone changes. Lots of people are lucky and don't reach the stage in life I have until they are 70
Now I've far from done that - I've just adjusted to life - accepting what can't be changed and making the best of a bad situation.
So I say this to them:
When you were 5 years old, you used to be able to run around the playground and hane endless amounts of energy.
Then you became a teenager - interests changed and that energy you once had to play chase in the playgrounds was gone - and so had the interest in it. You didn't spend your teenage years living your life every day dreaming of those early years. You moved on to other interests instead. When you were a teenager, you loved going out all night - drinking and walking around in next to nothing at night and going to college or work the next day.
When in our 20s and work comes along we are too tired to party all night and work all day every day. And we start to enjoy staying in more with cosy nights in. Again, you moved on as you changed and didn't spend your life wishing every day you were a teenager.
Then... we get older and think, "going out with no coat on at night partying? No way, its freezing!" And a nice cup of tea and chocolate is nice to relax with after a day looking after the kids, working etc. You didn't spend these times thinking 'I'm so sad and bored."
As time goes by everyone changes. Lots of people are lucky and don't reach the stage in life I have until they are 70 - I am in my mid-30s. People work all their life and look forward to retirement - little do they know retirement is there for a reason - we need those extra hours in the day just to get out of bed with our aches and pains!
The key to surviving our conditions is to adjust with life, with how we feel at any given minute... when I was told there was a big chance I would die before my operation, I didnt think, "Oooo I wish I had earned more money in life so I could have a gold watch to keep me company as I lay here in agony". I thought, "I just wish I could be with my family and friends - not stuck here in hospital".
I learnt that my loved ones are what I love about life - without them there would be no point to life. If I have loved ones, can manage to lay down and have pain that's bearable to live with, and can have the freedom to live in my own home - that's what I love about life. People are what my life is about - not the things I can physically do. That's just a bonus in life.
I hope this helps - yes, we will lose friends who don't want us any more because our body parts don't work any more. Yes, it is painful when this happens. But there are new friends to be made, just like when you left school and lost contact with some of your friends, you made new friends. Keep up your hope in life - with conditions like ours, hope is a necessity. And remember, we have had lots of time to get to adapt to our condition - we live with it 24/7 after all. Others can't know what we go through - yet we can try to help them understand.
What do you think about Melissa's outlook on life? What are your own experiences?
Post your comment here or carry on the conversation on Facebook or Twitter.
(Note that all comments posted on the website are moderated before appearing, so bear with us if your comment does not appear immediately).
For information and support on living with a neurological condition, contact the Brain and Spine Helpline. You can call and speak to a neuroscience nurse, free, on 0808 808 1000, or email helpline@brainandspine.org.uk
You might also find these links useful:
So I say this to them:
When you were 5 years old, you used to be able to run around the playground and hane endless amounts of energy.
Then you became a teenager - interests changed and that energy you once had to play chase in the playgrounds was gone - and so had the interest in it. You didn't spend your teenage years living your life every day dreaming of those early years. You moved on to other interests instead. When you were a teenager, you loved going out all night - drinking and walking around in next to nothing at night and going to college or work the next day.
When in our 20s and work comes along we are too tired to party all night and work all day every day. And we start to enjoy staying in more with cosy nights in. Again, you moved on as you changed and didn't spend your life wishing every day you were a teenager.
Then... we get older and think, "going out with no coat on at night partying? No way, its freezing!" And a nice cup of tea and chocolate is nice to relax with after a day looking after the kids, working etc. You didn't spend these times thinking 'I'm so sad and bored."
As time goes by everyone changes. Lots of people are lucky and don't reach the stage in life I have until they are 70 - I am in my mid-30s. People work all their life and look forward to retirement - little do they know retirement is there for a reason - we need those extra hours in the day just to get out of bed with our aches and pains!
The key to surviving our conditions is to adjust with life, with how we feel at any given minute... when I was told there was a big chance I would die before my operation, I didnt think, "Oooo I wish I had earned more money in life so I could have a gold watch to keep me company as I lay here in agony". I thought, "I just wish I could be with my family and friends - not stuck here in hospital".
I learnt that my loved ones are what I love about life - without them there would be no point to life. If I have loved ones, can manage to lay down and have pain that's bearable to live with, and can have the freedom to live in my own home - that's what I love about life. People are what my life is about - not the things I can physically do. That's just a bonus in life.
I hope this helps - yes, we will lose friends who don't want us any more because our body parts don't work any more. Yes, it is painful when this happens. But there are new friends to be made, just like when you left school and lost contact with some of your friends, you made new friends. Keep up your hope in life - with conditions like ours, hope is a necessity. And remember, we have had lots of time to get to adapt to our condition - we live with it 24/7 after all. Others can't know what we go through - yet we can try to help them understand.
What do you think?
What do you think about Melissa's outlook on life? What are your own experiences?
Post your comment here or carry on the conversation on Facebook or Twitter.
(Note that all comments posted on the website are moderated before appearing, so bear with us if your comment does not appear immediately).
Related links and support
For information and support on living with a neurological condition, contact the Brain and Spine Helpline. You can call and speak to a neuroscience nurse, free, on 0808 808 1000, or email helpline@brainandspine.org.uk
You might also find these links useful:
